Redeye

So I managed to¬†hemorrhage both of my eyeballs (and no, not from extreme flatulance, thankyouverymuch) (also, that link has pics of bleeding eyes, fyi). It’s really special and romantic, and great for making friends. Won’t you come and play with me?

I wanted to do this post before Christmas, because Christmas is when you buy THINGS for those you love. But, well, I finally got my lazy butt into gear and we mailed off our PR paperwork. On Christmas Eve.

So then, without further ado, I present: My List of Suggestions for What to Buy your Sweetheart for Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes it’s okay if your sweetheart likes to look at other men. Doctors, for example. Or actors. You should be okay with this too. May I suggest this matted and framed picture of Doctor B.J. Hunnicutt?

Honneycutt

Sometimes your sweetheart just wants to carry fruit around without it getting squished.

Bananahammock

Sometimes the best things in life are free. For example, I found this fabulous, perfectly functional frying pan at the dump.

Bringing home

And looks, it’s right on trend!

garbage

Nothing says “I love you” like saving money. This calender was on sale for only FORTY-FOUR CENTS! That’s right!

SoChec

And finally, I should probably warn you that this last item is great for Valentine’s Day, although technically NSFW. I’ll let the fine craftsmanship speak for itself.

True love